How To Forgive Yourself - How To Stop Feeling Guilty
We all make mistakes. If you cheated, there's no turning back time, but this is how to forgive yourself for cheating and learn from your mistakes. Dear Suzie, Two months ago, I had an affair with a married man who goes to my church. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I felt so madly in love with him. I threw caution to the wind and went ahead anyway. Now that it's over, I feel deeply ashamed. I can't seem to forgive myself. I used to be one of those women who. 5 Aug By not doing it ever again. To anyone. I don't lie, omit or keep secrets. I know my integrity and my vulnerability are the most precious traits I have. It's not up to me to decide if you should share your infidelity with your partner. But, I will.
Through counseling I am much closer to understanding it, but it still doesn't feel like forgiveness towards myself. When I look back at what I did to my current relationship, I think about how I never thought I could hurt somebody this badly, and even worse, that that person is the woman who I want to marry. Then the negative ideas and thoughts about what society perceives as a happy relationship starts eating at me. For instance, if I watch a movie where I see a happy relationship, that used to make me feel good, because I was in love and in a great relationship.
Now I only think about how that guy wouldn't have did what I did. Also, when I read things on the internet about forgiving, or about how to accept yourself or feel like you deserve love, occasionally i stumble across things like "you should feel like you deserve a loving and faithful partner" and the word faithful just jumps out of the screen and eats at me, instead of the positive message that I want to take from it.
Same thing in real life, if I see a really happy couple who has a great story, I think about how that used to be us, but then I did this and ruined all of that. Now our story includes this huge asterisk, and it is all this web page fault. I don't know how to get past that, how to reconcile that I am now a person who everyone in society would generally agree I'm a bad person. I just don't know what to do with that, and sometimes it just drags me down so much, and it doesn't allow me to grow in the positive direction.
Have other people went through this? What do you think helped you? For starters, we have to be How Can I Forgive Myself For Cheating where we hang out on DS. I have to remind myself that I am more than this one bad choice or series of choices. I am more than a woman who had an affair.
Let them pick my brain, give them the answers they need. But there are others who just want to vent and cause pain, take it out on all of us who they deem deserving. But he needs me to forgive myself and turn all that negative energy to positive, and use it to rebuild our marriage. Anyhow, i continue to ponder that Chin up, you are MORE then your mistakes. More then your thoughts.
Keep telling yourself that.
After An Affair: Are You Wracked With Guilt Over Cheating?
That is very read article. You are really brave and courageous. How can we feel that we deserve love? Did you bring it up? Our situation is different in that my H encouraged my friendship with the OM even after I told him it was becoming an A.
So, unlike many BS who insist they did nothing to contribute to the A happening, mine did and he knows it. We each pushed the other just far enough to make room for someone to come between us.
I did bring it up, recently. I had been feeling terrible guilt over keeping the truth of the physical affair from him.
I realized I had no other choice other than to accept where I was. Forgetting according to this, inadvertently neglect to do, bring, or mention something. We all make mistakes. When I look back at what I did to my current relationship, I think about how I never thought I could hurt somebody this badly, and even worse, that that person is the woman who I want to marry.
People here on DS kept telling me that he deserved to know the truth, that I was denying him the right to make an informed choice to be with me. About a month ago I told him I was still afraid that he would leave me. I pointed out that he had forgiven without ever having seen the whole picture and he told me that had been a deliberate choice on his part, that the details would have made it too hard for him, and he just wanted to be able to put it behind us.
I can still barely express what a relief that was for me. That was when I could finally start to forgive myself.
How You Can Get Over The Guilt & Shame Of Cheating On Your Spouse
In my case, I feel guilty for my H making that decision, even though I realize that we both contributed to the problems that led us there. You can go into marriage knowing the pitfalls and how to avoid them.
Many here have said that they wished that someone had sat them down and told them how difficult marriage is and what can happen. That being said, as time passes and you progress in your healing you will begin to forgive yourself. That he felt there was no other choice. Relationships are complicated and break down so easily. Work on becoming a better stronger man. Forgiveness will come with growth. For me, it was my fault, not in any way caused by her, so for me it has been a journey to become stronger for her and then with her.
She already knows what I did, and has to live with that, there would be no benefit to me describing in any greater detail what happened. I am really happy for you that you have discovered the block to your healing, and you are now on your way to a better place. But you are doing the best you can given the situation, and that takes a lot of courage. With this weight weighing down on me for the last 5 months, I certainly have changed my perspective on the world, and I feel I see it from a more mature viewpoint.
I still have so much to learn, but I think that I am more reflective and more aware then a lot of people in my age group. I am trying to fix our relationship as best I can by doing exactly what you said, working to become a stronger man.
Then once I feel self worth again, and I have worked through my problems and I feel that I deserve love, then I can give myself to her completely and not just the pieces of myself that I want to promote in order to protect myself. I love How Can I Forgive Myself For Cheating you said, forgiveness will come with growth. I will think of those words often. For many years my H was not a great H either. Complacency is the greatest enemy of marriage.
He fully accepts blame for his choice to cheat. Thank you for your words. Maybe some of you would consider sharing your wisdom with me. Hy H had an affair 3 years ago, before we were married, and we are very much recovered. Is there something your spouse has said or done for you, at a particular time or ongoing, that has helped you to forgive yourself?
Thank you so much. It shows a lot of maturity, and a lot of love for your husband. The fact that she still loves me this much, and she is willing to give me this support after I have brought so much pain, is comforting. With this feeling of guilt, the truth is that guilt, the pain, the negative thoughts are within him. All you can click is reassure him when he needs it, and show your support for him and show your commitment to your marriage and to your love for him.
But when it comes down to it, you can not save him from his guilt, he needs to do that on his own. I am currently going through counseling, and the biggest moves I make on my guilt, are after my sessions with my therapist. The problems, the guilt, the pain is all How Can I Forgive Myself For Cheating by me, and I am the also the solution to that.
But when I have to face down my own guilt, that is my personal battle. The closer I come to understanding WHY it happened, and fixing my distorted thinking that I have been thinking for most of my life.
When I start understanding those parts in myself, it is easier to feel sympathy for them, and to take a step closer to forgiveness. Except for money, theres pretty much no reason not to at least try it, and most people will find it helps them greatly. Good luck, and again, it shows how much you care read article by posting here, and your husband is a very lucky man to have you on his team!
We all make mistakes, sometimes grievous ones, but listen: One day at a time, do something each day that makes you feel proud and worthwhile. Oh, and stop punishing yourself! It is getting in the way of you being spectacular from now on. I first want to say that I am the BS. You sound like my husband The things you say are exactly how I feel just opposite.
I fall apart inside. So I can relate how you are feeling. I hope that you have learned that the grass in NOT greener on the other side. I know that there are always 2 sides to every story but cheating is never the way to turn I wish you luck and pray that you will do the right thing next time.
I am a CS also. So, yes, I have not forgiven myself and have let it define me.
I keep reminding myself that things could be worse. We all seem to be doing fairly well considering the circumstances.
Forgiving yourself means doing what is right. Even greater, you are blessed that you still have a marriage to work on and you're solucky that this is your struggle and that no one else got hurt! Now humans aren't perfect and a lot of it is second nature but mabye you wanted to feel in control of something.
Many people could have lost everything. Given my unique situation, How Can I Forgive Myself For Cheating has been very difficult to move past this. However, on the bright side they still come over at other times and have sleepovers etc. So, the kids still see their cousins and I can still be an Auntie in a way. Since I cheated with a family member within a family and culture that likes to be together OFTEN, there are many reminders of what I did. I just have to focus on the click. It's my Birthday and no one cares Posted by: Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care.
I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back.