How to forgive yourself for cheating or lying? (Depression Help) | 7 Cups of Tea
Should I tell my spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend what I have done? Typically, feelings of shame and guilt are often followed by the following question: Should I tell my husband or wife, With this in mind, we have developed some guidelines for helping you decide when it is best to tell the truth and when it is not. will the truth. 6 Feb This is a very typical line from women who are living with the guilt of an affair. If you are a woman who has cheated on her husband or boyfriend and you are now dealing with the destructive aftermath and feeling extremely guilty, I empathize. I, like you, have been where you are and it's a difficult place to. 8 Jul The person who is cheating is just trying to keep everything stable, the same, not changing anything. The two other people, the lover and It puts the other person in a permanent state of hurt and grief and loss of trust and an inability to feel safe, and it doesn't alleviate your guilt. Your relationship is dealt a.
I was married for 5 years at the time now married 6 years and a younger man pursued me. I had no reasons for cheating: He is a wonderful, kind, loving man who would give me the world. My guilt over what I've done is consuming me. The affair lasted about 5 months. It wasn't even a great relationship - looking back, the person I cheated with was not the person I thought he was.
I am not making any excuses for my behavior. I think at the time the problem was not my click to see more, but with myself. I was scared of getting older and having nothing to look forward to. I was scared that I wasn't sure what to do about having children. I still don't know if I want kids, but I've had a lot of time to think about why I let someone come between my husband and myself.
When the affair ended, I was devastated and relieved. Devastated because I thought I really loved the person I got How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling up with, and because of what I had done. Relieved because in my twisted mind, I thought I could just pick up where I left off with my husband. I was wrong about that. It took months before I felt I could even laugh with him again, and even longer before I could think about intimacy with him without feeling disgusted with myself.
I can't deal with the hurt I caused and the emotional turmoil.
I confessed what I did to a priest in confession, and he asked me if my spouse was aware of the situation. I told him he wasn't and his advice was to keep it that way and spend my time focusing on my husband.
That logic is selfish and if it was a long time ago and you regret it and wouldn't do it again is it worth the pain? She puts pressure on anyway. Everyone makes mistakes and the best thing we can do to move forward in life is accept that we haven't done the right thing, make up for our wrong doing e. I believe in you
I don't want to tell him, and my reasoning is partially selfish which I don't deserve to be at ALL and partially unselfish. I don't think I could deal with the hurt I caused my spouse and seeing his face if he found out. I also don't think he would leave me - but I think this would change him forever and scar him in a way that he would never recover from.
He is a good man and never hurt anyone in his life and does not deserve to be hurt. I do not deserve him. So, I think I know why I did this, and I am now left with two situations. I still feel incredibly guilty for my behavior, and hate myself for what I did. Secondly, I am fearful that he will find out. He has no connection at all to the other man and I don't think the other man would try to contact him.
We live a few towns away from each other but it is still a possibility that we could run into each other at some point How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling our lives. I really hope that never happens. Additionally, my husband and I moved since the affair and the other man has no idea that we did this. I've erased any possible way of contacting him or linking him to me.
It sucks no doubt. Visit Your Growth Path. I know this might not be something you want to discuss with your friends or family, but if you join this site you can get free, anonymous support from trained listeners and a huge support community. So ask for help. And this list of helpful books on How to Forgive Yourself might be an easier answer.
Where do I go from here? How do I deal with my guilt? How do I deal with my fear? You will likely find people in two camps here, those who think you should tell and those who link you should take this to the grave. Not the affair, but the deception which for many people is the worst part of the affair. And we pay for it, too, going along feeling that, click here our spouses truly knew us, we would be unlovable; sensing that we can never really have acceptance.
You deal with your fear by facing it. The only way out is through. Thanks for your reply. See, part of the problem is that my husband was brought up in very catholic environment. He WAS a virgin going into our marriage, and even the thought of me having an ex boyfriend makes him sad. Anyway, between that factor and just knowing his personality, I really do not believe telling him is in my best interest.
I truly believe it would destroy our marriage. I understand exactly what you said about it hurting to be told you are loved You are selfish and undeserving. The affair ended nearly 8 months ago, so maybe that will change as time goes on. I feel guilty enough to realize that confessing would lift a weight from my shoulders.
I realized so many things about the affair and my marriage.
If You Cheated, Should You Tell?
Whether you told or not, how do you deal with your guilt? I dealt with my guilt by telling. Until then, all it did was eat me alive. Okay, I read your first post and it screamed catholic guilt. Your second paragraph in the second post highlighted and bolded click at this page. Religion can use guilt as a means of control. There is a difference between being selfish and doing something that is within your self interests.
The first means that you are putting your wants over everyone else and you do this repeatedly and with no regard for consequence. This is a problem. The second means that you understand that you have physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional needs and that you take the responsibility to see those needs are attended to and are aware of the role you play in the lives of others.
Look at your marriage. Are there link secrets that you keep in your marriage? Do you feel like you can go to your husband if you have a problem? If you felt a strong attraction to another male in the future, would you be able to go to your husband and say that you are feeling this way and that you need his help to eliminate temptation?
Are you able to ask your husband for help? Do you find yourself hiding your pain and your weaknesses from your husband? Do you feel like there How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating And Not Telling an image that you have to live up to in your marriage? Do you feel like there is a standard of marriage you have to uphold for the people outside your marriage looking in?
Are there parts of your personality for example, deviant sexual desires which you hide from your husband because you feel shame? Because if you are in this type of marriage, it is already ill and needs healing. But if you tell him, you will need to tell him ALL the secrets, the lack of partnership will need to be evident, and you will both have to be ready to give it your all and start over for the marriage to work.
If you find yourself in a solid partnership and you had this one moment of weakness, then I am in the take it to the grave camp. Bringing it up will cause more problems than it solves.
Should I Confess - Truth About Deception
I am very, very afraid that you are similar to me. I really hope that I am getting the wrong vibes off of this and am mistaken. You certainly seem remorseful to me. If you are honest in your faith, consider this. The Catholic church has many confirmed Saints, but not a SINGLE confirmed damned, not even Judas, because the church teaches that it is not for us to decide whose sins are beyond forgiveness. Thanks so much for your reply. As far as secrets in my marriage, this one is it. I can tell my husband anything.
If I were attracted to someone else, I could tell him. I can honestly say that the problem was with me and I do have a solid partnership. I think the affair in itself was a selfish action on my part.
However, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make sure I am not a selfish person. I really appreciated your last paragraph. I pray to many saints daily, and I never thought about it quite the way you said it. I can never take it back, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.
You said you are afraid we are alike.
Why is that a bad thing? Just the way you phrased it made it seem that way. So, if your marriage is continue reading, a solid partnership, and you can tell your husband anything, then what possessed you to have an affair? What stopped you from telling your husband that you were tempted by someone else?
I think I mentioned it in my first post I did a lot of looking within and at my marriage to try to figure out what went wrong. The problem was not my marriage, but with myself. I never actually thought something was going to happen before it was too late to tell him - meaning the A had already begun. It was through Facebook. I, like a dumbass left an IM saved as well as past messages.