4 tips for dealing with a difficult mother-in-law
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29 Dec Dealing with a difficult mother-in-law can literally suck the life right out of you and your marriage! If you're lucky to have hit the jackpot of all MILs, Chances are, after a very uncomfortable 30 seconds or so, she'll probably try to take back what she said. And it'll keep the peace between you and your. How to Deal With a Difficult Mother in Law. If your mother-in-law repeatedly hurts you either physically or emotionally, it can permanently damage your marriage. Here are some ways to deal with her that can protect yourself, your family. 18 Sep Once, my ex- MIL, who pretty openly thought I was a little too chubby, gave me a pedometer and a costco-sized box of Splenda. She did it as we were leaving from a visit under the “I got something for you.” I was so surprised and insulted, but I called her other daughter in law to ask if she'd gotten the same.
It can, in fact, ultimately destroy a relationship. Other complaints included being made to feel not good enough for their partner, or that the MIL was rude or bitchy. In some cases, the stress of the in-law situation led to marital collapse.
Find a quiet space, free of distractions, where you can note everything that has taken place to date. Allow yourself to process the list, mulling and fuming over it—getting all feelings out—until you can revisit it with a calmer frame of mind. This will enable you to constructively take on the situation, here from a more rationale versus emotional space, in moving forward.
If this is the case, this is something that your husband needs to work on with his mother. While challenging, try to be objective as you evaluate the situation.
We have gone through a lot due to me being a white and Muslim. Is there anything I can do to make my husband mine again? After nearly 18 years of putting up with disrespect I've had enough.
Honestly ask yourself if she has a valid opinion about matters. Consider if her actions and words are coming from a place of love, and if this needs to be acknowledged in managing her. There are situations where a person has done nothing to cause the relationship with in-laws to become strained. Are you a total victim in this scenario or do you do or say things to instigate a negative response?
Let go of expectations around how things should supposedly be when it comes to family relationships. Instead, be realistic about the situation, including any nonnegotiable circumstances. Instead of trying to live out some Hallmark holiday card, contemplate how you can work with the way things are. For example, is a coolish relationship possible? Not having a care in the world as to what they think about you will be incredibly freeing and empowering!
If your intuition is sounding the alarm, then listen to it. So anytime you find yourself in their company or needing to talk to them, do the following:. Too, using these words adds to the power dynamic of these elders being the ones on top. By calling your parents-in-law by their first names, you create a more level playing field. It is tempting to fight fire with fire, taking digs at your MIL or calling her names or being equally rude.
In having discussions, no matter how heated, stick with the facts. Interact using mindfulnessand in taking the higher road without compromising read article you will allow yourself to be treated. Central to managing your in-laws is managing your emotions. Ways to do this, whether during read more or from afar, include the following….
As Hilary Rodham Clinton put it: If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you. When she throws dirt your way, have a visualization exercise that allows see more statement to, literally, roll off your back.
Envision what she just said captured in a water balloon, that then rolls off your shoulders and down your back before smashing on the ground below your Why Is My Mother In Law So Mean To Me.
Have a way to deal with your anger. This might be going for a walk following a difficult interaction, or hitting the pool to blow off some steam, or taking to the golf course for some relaxation. You cannot allow the anger to consume you or else it will destroy you and your marriage.
Find your outlets for working through the negative energy on a regular basis. Your spouse may not always be in the mood to hear about how awful his mother and parents are.
Your marriage will become even more strained otherwise. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of a situation. Some in-law situations never get to a better place. As Christina Steinorth stated on yourtango. If your MIL was a boyfriend, then friends would tell you to dump him. If your MIL bullied someone, then people would advise the person to keep his distance and set limits.
There was a bbq on the night before which we agreed to keep small as a welcome to guests to the venue who were staying. In those times when connecting seems downright impossible, try to be sympathetic toward her. Philip Kosloski and Maria Paola Daud. Spot on Submitted by Dane on January 25, - 6: The interesting thing about her visit was that she was venting a lot of the same frustrations with her very well-worn MIL that I hear from some of our clients who are just wrapping their heads around their new relationships with their MILs.
You have every right to draw and maintain strong boundaries in protecting yourself and your marriage. Nobody has the right to make your life miserable, and only you can make sure of that.
What this article seems to be lacking is a general concept of compromise. Families, a lot of the time, involve compromise. The more people added and the more extended the family becomes the more diverse beliefs, feelings, and opinions become. If we all decided to protect ourselves from these differences by wrapping ourselves in our own little 'me' bubble, then we will ultimately deny ourselves being part of a family unit.
By marrying in to a family, you have to accept that your in-laws may differ from you in many ways. They have perhaps brought up their children including your spouse in a way you may not agree with, they may hold political or religious views you can't abide.
But in marry their child you have to show a level of acceptance, respect and compromise. If not for your own sanity, for the sake of your relationship. Heaven knows, this only becomes more and more important once grandchildren are added to the mix. You surely cannot apply the same 'healthy selfishness' when children are involved.
Mum-in-Law and 1dating.me - Stand-up comedy by Anu Menon
Denying a child a relationship with their grandparents just because you do not have a good relationship with them, is just plain selfish and certainly something the child will not thank you for later in life. Indeed, the idea of compromise, of grinning-and-bearing-it, and of biting your tongue become increasingly important the older the child gets. You may not respect them as your in-laws, but you have to respect them as your children's grandparents.
But then I am working on the assumption that this article is written pre-children. Harmony within a family environment go here ever really comes about when people are respectful of each others beliefs, opinions and feelings, but also when they are able to accept that there will be disagreements, and sometimes criticism.
This is just part of a healthy family dynamic. I'm not continue reading you have to be a complete walk over. You have the right to voice your opinions and views as much as anyone else does, but hiding away from annoying family members really does not do any good in the long term. You can't hide forever without it ultimately affecting the relationship that first brought you in to their lives — your marriage.
I can't say I agree with you about compromising when it comes to kids being involved. My mother in-law has bullied my son since day one practically while putting my daughter up on a pedestal.
What Can You Do?
This went on for several years with everyone telling me to just keep the peace before it got so bad that neither one of my kids wanted to visit them. I put my foot down and it has basically started world war 3, but my kids come first. You aren't going to treat my kid like here and get away with it!
Passive-Aggressive In-Laws: How to Beat Them at Their Own Game
It's been a year and a half and the two times she has seen the kids she's barely said hi to them. Just this last week we were at a family function for the first Why Is My Mother In Law So Mean To Me since everything went down and she went around and said goodbye to every other kid that was there but mine.
Yes, the kids talk about them, but they don't ask to see them like they do my parents. My in-laws did this to themselves and I refuse to subject my kids to their Idiocracy! Plus, the in-laws refuse to allow me to have any sort of opinion or feelings about the matter. The instant I told them why I was upset they rold us they never wanted to hear from us again.
They demand respect but refuse to return it. After nearly 18 years of putting up with disrespect I've had enough. I'm not going to allow anyone to walk all over me anymore! I don't like confrontation but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and this web page no!
Sure it's been hard on my marriage but my husband is understanding. It's never been a walk in the park for him when it comes to his parents anyway. He could have had it worse, but he also could have had it better growing up with them I see the sadness in his eyes everyday from the hell his mom out him through.
I don't want my kids to feel the same thing! Parents hold the full responsibility of their children, grandparents as important a role they have, they are mere bystandarders. Before I was married my Mil was an angel but afterwards her true colours came out, she cries crocodile tears to make my husband feel guilty, both my Pil throw massive tantrums towards my husband when they dont get their way.
Funnily enough so far they havent done it to me in person and only show such behaviour in private to my husband. It has put a lot of stress on my marriage.
Unfortunately I went the wrong way about it and exploded every time my husband - despite our initial decisions - would come home after relenting to his parents whims. Now I try and discuss things in a normal and calm manner but it could take several hours of discussions to deal with the mess his parents put us through.
Before we were married I honestly respected and trusted them but now with their secret fits and closet behaviours I have no feelings towards them. Any private thing his mother learns about me, loosing a job, having financial problems, private medical problems she goes off and discusses it with her friends and other family members. Its like I am her topic click here juicy gossip. It is clear his parents have a complete disregard for my feelings and what I want for my son.
They believe because they are his grandparents they have equal rights, if not more, as I and my husband does. Also sad that I secretly think my husband believes this as well.
Now Im looking for a new Why Is My Mother In Law So Mean To Me abroad that pays a bigger salary than my husbands as I want to be as far away from these vultures as much as possible. They just pick and pick at our marriage to critisize us. Thankfully my husband has agreed if I can earn enough to support us until he finds himself a new job he will relocate.
I believe this is the only way to save our marriage to put some large distance between us and them.